WHY YOU SHOULD NOT “COME AND GO AND KILL YOURSELF” LITERALLY

In Nigerian local parlance, you often hear people say “I cannot come and go and kill myself”.  We often laugh when it is said. Nigerians are one of the happiest people on earth. God made us specially to get through any situation life or our insensitive leaders throw at us. Yes, anybody that is not happy to be a Nigerian, there are so many Embassies just keep trying and I wish you all the best. In my opinion, the poorest people are not the unhappiest people. There are a number of reasons to be unhappy but the will to make yourself happy is all it takes. Let me give you some instances of why people may be unhappy.

• Being born into poverty

• Growing up and remaining poor

• Inability to meet a life partner

• Inability to conceive

• Adulterous spouses

• Abusive spouses

• Irresponsible children

• Joblessness

• No food/ no shelter

• Being bullied

• Being diagnosed with a chronic ailment

• Having too much money and no one to spend it with.

• Not having enough money

• Being too ugly

• Being too fine

• Sexual frustration

• Confusion as to sexual orientation

• Being tormented by village people

• Being body shamed

• Recurrent heartaches

• Being harrased by sars or police

• Being accosted by area boys

• Being terrorised by herdsmen

• Sexual violence

• Female genital mutilation etc

I bet you didn’t bother to read through the list of causes of sadness in Nigeria just cause you didn’t want anything to remind you why life is shit…because you’re just too happy. (Chop knuckle🤛).

I cannot even list a quarter of the reasons why people are are unhappy in Nigeria. But trust me when I tell you that they surpass the above listed a thousand times. Some of us have found different ways of coping with unhappiness. Others have rather sunken into greater unhappiness called Depression. It is to these group of persons that I say “You should not come and go and kill yourself”.

What is depression? What should you do when you are depressed? Do you even realize that you are depressed? What do you do when you suspect that someone is depressed?

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person’s thoughts, behavior, feelings, and sense of well-being. People with a depressed mood may be notably sad, anxious, or empty; they may also feel notably hopeless, helpless, dejected, or worthless.

You might say that you are not depressed  (good for you) but some of you are depressed without knowing it. Depression has so many relatives (synonyms) such as melancholy, misery, sadness, unhappiness, sorrow, woe, gloom, gloominess, dejection, downheartedness, despondency, dispiritedness, low spirits, heavy-heartedness, moroseness, (take a deep breathe),  discouragement, despair, desolation, dolefulness, moodiness, pessimism, hopelessness; the slough of despond; upset, tearfulness (the dumps), the doldrums, the blues, one’s black dog, a low (the blahs) a funk, a blue funk (the mopes) or clinical depression, endogenous depression, reactive depression, postnatal depression, dysthymia, melancholia (dolour or the megrims), disconsolateness, disconsolation etc. (Pheew…I’m exhausted).

If you are just realizing that you are depressed or you already know that you are depressed, here is what you should know.  Depression drains your energy, hope, and drive, making it difficult to take the steps that will help you to feel better. But while overcoming depression isn’t quick or easy, it’s far from impossible. You can’t just will yourself to “snap out of it,” but you do have more control than you realize even if your depression is severe and stubbornly persistent. The key is to start small and build from there. Feeling better takes time, but you can get there by making positive choices for yourself each day. I have researched on coping mechanisms and I recommend the following;

• Reach out and stay connected by talking to one person, help someone by volunteering, accompany someone to the movies, have lunch or dinner with a friend, ask a loved one to check in with you regularly, talk to your clergy, work out etc.

• You could also do things you enjoy or used to enjoy. Think about it.

• Eat healthy depression-fighting foods and avoid comfort foods (ask google or Pinterest).

• Take a walk in the sunlight ( they say it works but carry umbrella for our Naija sun LOL).

• Challenge negative thinking. Depression puts a negative spin on everything, including the way you see yourself and your expectations for the future.

• Lastly, when you have tried all the above and you don’t feel better, get professional help.

Some of us are the reason people fall deeper into depression because of our selfishness and lack of empathy. We see that someone is unhappy most of the time and we say things like ‘you are too much for me’ or ‘your wahala don too much’ or ‘if you want to die please go and die alone’ etc. Some even say they don’t like a person for always being unhappy?  What happened to showing love unconditionally? Why can’t we all be patient with each other? We wait until someone close to us has lost the fight to stay alive, then we put up write ups like the greatest poets alive. It is not only Imo state that should appoint a Commissioner for happiness. We should appoint ourselves commissioners for happiness too. We should try to make other people happy too. Don’t ask “Who will make me happy?”. You will make yourself happy.  Be there for someone, show support and even go further by getting professional help for someone you know is depressed.

I have been unhappy and almost depressed at various points in my life but I was born with a DNA that automatically resets my unhappiness with joy ( LOL, I’m just kidding you know right?). I remember that time I had a major heartbreak, I cried everyday for about ten minutes till my head ached. Then I would wipe my tears, enter the kitchen and eat food. The truth is even when I’m so sad I don’t loose my appetite for food. “I cannot come and go and kill myself with Ulcer” (LOL). Another time, I failed an exam and I had to rewrite, I was so unhappy that time but I listened to encouragement and studied harder for it. Yes, it is something to be unhappy about. I know someone who killed herself because she failed and was asked to rewrite. There is a level to unhappiness that some people can’t handle.  Don’t you dare judge!

I cannot compare my problems to yours but I can tell you that hold on just a little more and when you feel like letting go again, just keep holding on. We all have a span on this earth, we must surely die when the day comes. Don’t take your own life for any damn reason. I cannot come and go and kill myself because I still love the taste of food apart from the grass  that that aunty chef cooks. (Hmm, I didn’t mention anybody). I still love the fact that I cannot decide whether I prefer dry season or rainy season (Who cares?).  I still love to hear the wish of good morning from a total stranger even though it isn’t such a good morning so far. Please ignore my foolish reasons for wanting to live. I have hope for better days to come. I have hope that all my problems will blow over. All I’m saying is that have hope for better days. Your problems will fizzle out one moment at a time. All you need to do is have a little faith. Have a will to live. It gets better.